The recurring issue I am having mentally is learning that my feelings are real and legitimate and not any less important than my friends and families feelings. My needs and desires are JUST as important and quite frankly, in my world they should be MORE important, than anyone else’s.
I’m in that stage of my late twenties when much of my time and money is being invested in other people. Weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, first communions, engagement parties, housewarming parties, babies first birthday, 1st communions etc. Financially I am struggling lately and it’s so hard to really think about how much money I am putting towards other people. Just being a bridesmaid for one wedding is costing me about $1000 when all is said and done (dress, alterations, shoes, bridal shower, gifts, hotel room, bachelorette party). Legitimately, I am working a 2nd job to cover the costs of my friends/families life milestones. Then I get worried applying to another weekend job because I have some kind of shower/celebration the next 3 weeks and then again in another month!
I don’t want to be THAT person that isn’t happy for everyone else. I really, and truly am happy for all my friends/family who find happiness in whatever life event they are experiencing currently. And I am so honored to be close enough to someone that they would want me to be a part of their “big day”. I’m in my 4th wedding now in the past 6 years. Believe me, there are friends of mine that were in 4 weddings in one year.
BUT I start to ask myself…do they appreciate the fact that I have to work a 2nd job to be a part of her big day? That I am spending the little $ I have….on THEM and their life.
I feel very Carrie Bradshaw like because there’s the episode where she has like a “I’m marrying myself” party. I know (hope/pray!) that one day I’ll have milestones to share, but right now it’s really just a one way giving streak (me being the giver….my friends/family being the receivers). It’s just hard….when it’s the people you spend a lot of your very little money on that you tend to see less and less and you become less and less a part of their life with every new milestone they experience. So it’s like “Welp! I’ve spent $1600 on their engagement party, wedding, bachelorette, bridal shower, housewarming, baby shower, baptism, babies first bday” and then you never hear from them again. Or you only hear from them when they’re sending you an invitation to their NEXT big life event.
It’s not selfish of me to stop giving if I don’t feel like these people are positively contributing to my life in some way. It’s not rude of me if I have to give less than the “proper etiquette” amount of a gift if I don’t have that money. If these people really do appreciate me they will understand that I am giving as much as I can without putting myself in a bad place financially (although I already am in a bad place financially because of family that I helped get out of a tough place).
It’s NOT selfish to put me first! I need to stop basing my decisions on other peoples feelings and just do what makes me feel good.
My Journey to Wellness 