Small steps

Hello cyberspace!!!      So today’s post will be me, patting myself on the back from the positive steps I’ve taken in 2016 thus far.

First of all,   I turned 30!! Wooohooo!  The anxiety leading up to turning 30 was much worse than actually turning 30. I almost feel this new sense of confidence. Like, I literally am not on this planet to people please.  I’m 30…I do what I want.

Secondly, at the end of February I took a big leap of faith and signed up for small group training classes at my gym.  It’s additional money but I like the idea that there’s a trainer in the room focusing on only maybe 3-12 people opposed to the big group classes where there could be 20-30 people in the room.

Thirdly,  I’ve began to attempt 5:15 am classes at the gym!  I always said I would attempt that but I lacked follow through. Well, it’s been about a month and I’ve made it to at least 4 of these gym sessions pre-work if I knew making it to the gym after work wasn’t likely. And…here’s the best part, I don’t hate it. In fact, I real big part of me enjoys it.  I have always been a morning person in the sense that once I’m awake I’m not a complete zombie. But honestly, now that it’s not FREEZING outside at 5 am it’s really not too bad.  It definitely helps that I go to a 30 minute HIIT class at the gym so I know that someone will be there telling me exactly what to do. Because if I just showed up at the gym at 5, I would probably just stand on the elliptical for 3o minutes and not fully utilize my time effectively. ALSO,  the first morning class I almost snoozed through but didn’t..I ended up making it to the beach for sunrise….so there’s that!! Look at this beautiful photo.   I literally felt like the universe was rewarding me for going against my inner voice of “go back to bed” and getting my butt up to work out.

 

Lastly,   I’ve gone to yoga twice now in the past month of re entering physical activity and I wasn’t totally hard on myself either! Half way through both classes I felt a sort of calm peace. Not to mention, I really felt like my body was responding positively to it. Down dog wasn’t complete painful 3 minutes into it,  and my arms were starting to look pretty darn toned (gotta love Chaturanga and down dog for that).

My breakfast and lunch during the week is always healthy, it’s my dinner and weekends I need to focus on now in the month of April.  My next post will be the first time I admit that I have a fast food addiction.

But, for now, let’s focus on the positive!

Be positive, Be Patient, Be Persistent…

So, I really do tend to like this time of year.  I love looking back on the past year and reflecting. I also enjoy looking to the upcoming year and setting goals.

I’m a goal setter in life in general. I think that’s why my impending 30th bday a few weeks away is freaking me out. Like, by 30 I think my goals consisted of being married, owning a home, working my dream job and having “my shit together”.  I’m learning as I “grow up” that most people never truly feel like they “have their shit together”. What does that even mean?  When you get one thing together something else seems to come up, no?  Maybe that’s just my adult life.

I’m slowly(ever so slowly) learning that those milestones are somewhat superficial in nature. Most of what “life” is, is that journey to milestones. And just because those are the cliché milestones doesn’t mean they are THE milestones for everyone.

I’ve gotten through some tough stuff solo so that’s pretty impressive when hitting 30.  All you pansies getting married or in relationships, relying on another human day in and day out and I’m doing it all by myself. #boom.  lol jk…sort of.

Today was daunting because I attempted to tackle my one goal of getting out of debt. Well, getting out of some debt. I’ll be chipping away at my student loans for another decade or so.

I’m realizing that tackling my financial and physical health is important to me in 2016. Talk about turning 30…sounds like a 30 year old life.

I’m learning to be realistic with my goal setting as well.  Don’t focus on the $10,000 debt I have to pay off. Just look at the month of January and the small changes I can make.

I’m not focusing on the 50lbs I have to lose. I’m focusing on the goal of participating in some physical activity at least 3 times a week in January. AND I’m not going to kick myself if I only make it to the elliptical. Or if I only do 20 minutes of stretching.  That’s better than nothing!!

Goal setting…so fun!  2016 should be an improvement!

 

Balance is key

Hello blog world! I’m going to make a strong effort to post on this blog and would appreciate any and all (positive) feedback to assist on my continual journey to wellness! That being said, follow me on instagram: Journey2Wellness29

My new focus for 2016 will revolve around BALANCE.  I know I’ve struggled with this in the past. I finally had a realization lately that my lack of balance is negatively impacting my mood/perspective.

Perfect example of my misbalance/extremist ways.   I work in an urban school as a special education teacher for under privileged students  during the day. And nanny for over privileged, very wealthy kids in the evenings/weekends.

I became aware of how different it is when I had one student, who is the sweetest kid ever, tell me that Santa forgot him last year. My heart just broke.

Then the following weekend I’m babysitting for the rich kids who are…not the best behaved(I’m being generous here). They were throwing their scooters around on the ground like they were nothing.  At one point in the day I brought up Santa and how they have to be good for Santa to come and the 5 year old literally was like “Whatever! Santa can’t see me!”.  Like,  that’s officially when I decided that these kids are not for me. If a 5 year old doesn’t respect Santa, how the heck am I supposed to get respect?

I literally spent part of my day in a ghetto and the other part of my day in a mansion.   I need to find balance.  The first step is admitting.

On a random note:

How I started my Monday Morning:   Up and out early for parent teacher conferences before Winter Break starts (tomorrow at 12:30!!).  Loaded up the blender with all types of immune boosting things…and then…BOOM. Spilled three fourths of it on my counter.  I yelled out a few profanities but then cleaned up, grabbed my 1/4 smoothie, threw a breakfast bar in my purse and was on my way. If the worst part of my day is spilling a smoothie I’d say I’m making out ok!

 

 

Small steps bring the results…

So, I still haven’t made it to the gym….but I feel like I’m slowly making changes that are leading up to more.

For starters,  after attending professional development Friday, it reminded me of that desire to grow as an individual.  Lately,(the past few years) I’ve noticed a decline in my motivation and drive.   It’s been a slow snowball of almost ‘Not giving a crap’.

Which is strange because I used to be so driven and motivated, etc.

I had this “aha” moment Friday that if I’m not happy with something then I really need to change it.   And if it’s not something I can change I need to change my perspective on it.

That being said, after the attacks on Paris, it also made me aware that time is not guaranteed.

I’m turning 30 soon and it’s freaking me out. More so, because I feel like I don’t have my “shit together”.  The more I think about it, the more I’m realizing that I DO have my shit together. I have a career/job, I pay my bills, I have friends/social events. I do my laundry weekly. Heck, I had my lunch packed for tomorrow since 4:00pm.

The life “milestones” I’m lacking include getting married, buying a home and having a kid.  But I am starting to realize that, there are so many other milestones of life to recognize.

Going to professional development made me realize that, one area I can focus on is my career and just growing my knowledge base of not just career but of life.  Exposing myself to settings where I can grow personally is a great focus. Gaining perspective from other people is really a great thing.

Another way I’m moving in the right direction is looking at my monthly budget.  I know I really have to get better at financing so I can stop stressing about debt, etc. It’s simple small things including meal prep that will save me a lot of money in the long haul. I can’t continue to spend like I used to when I lived at home.

Simple things. Yet all things that I’m bringing more awareness to, in the front of my brain.

I have my alarm set for 4:55 am tomorrow. I want to try an early morning workout since after work I tend to flake out lately.  We’ll see how it goes.  It’ll be a basic cardio workout I believe…more just going through the motion of getting UP and OUT of bed and to the gym.

Fingers crossed I have enough mental strength to get out of bed in the cold, darkness and head to the gym.  It’ll be rough since I haven’t been to the gym in half a year! BUT..baby steps 🙂

There are ways to really live in the present moment….

So, my post yesterday was all about coming back and kicking butt and being a bad ass bitch. BUT then I didn’t sleep well and it was rainy and I was tired and yada yada yada.  I didn’t hit up the gym like I had planned. I know excuses excuses.

BUT I need to start taking small steps instead of expecting miraculous changes in my behavior over night.  30 minutes of my own physical therapy session was what I did and it really did make me feel more positive about myself.  I listened to a motivational speech playlist on 8tracks and felt pretty decent about myself.

I have my alarm set for tomorrow so I can at least fit in a stretch and a mild exercise regime in the A.M.

The biggest thing is not harping on my poor choices but focusing on my positive ones.

Positives of today:

1. Waking up and getting up 🙂 (hehhe)
2. Making it to and from work in yucky rain with no issues
3. My students improving their multiplication skills!
4. Students LOVING the simple activity I picked for them on the fly
5. Eating a kind bar for breakfast and carrots/hummus for lunch
6. Drinking 80 oz of water today
7. Doing my physical therapy stretches for the first time in a month

Tomorrow is ALREADY Wednesday! Woot!Woot!

Moving forward

Hello fitness blog! Long time no see!  So, what I learned throughout this “Journey to Wellness” so far is that you(I) really need to work from the inside out.

It’s taken me a while and a lot of not great feelings to get  me to this point where I’m saying “OK! Time to move forward!”

I finally began to admit to myself as well as friends that the “How did I allow myself to get like this?!?!” Well the answer was simple.

1. Injuries.
2. STRESS
3. Depression
4. Anxiety
5. STRESS

I really put in effort to address these issues.  It’s been a struggle but I’m back and willing to move forward to that’s all that matters.

It took me dress shopping for a wedding and realizing I’m now that person who hates photograph outside of selfies that only photograph from the neck up! That is NOT the way to live.

So since my last post I had an Achilles injury. I started physical therapy for that and everyone told me to not do much physical activity until that was healed.  Throughout THAT process I finally came to realize that the hip pain I’ve had for the past 13+ years was not ok so I should get that checked out.

The docs had me worried for a second that I had some tear they’d have to do surgery to fix BUT….turns out I have bilateral tendonitis of the hips.  Which…..is really not the worse case scenario.

I thought my scoliosis was the reason for all this hip pain but it was not.  I was also paranoid that since osteoarthritis runs in my family that I was going to need a hip replacement.  As per my x-ray sand MRI my hip joints are “pristine” as the doctor put it.

So, I will be

A.  Doing serious stretching of my hips.

B.  I will continue to run if I feel like it because I’m not grinding my hips to a pulp and running makes me happy!!!!

That being said…I really truly do know mostly what I have to do…it’s just freaking doing it!!!!

I told myself that tomorrow I’d get my booty to the gym, it’s been nearly half a year since I’ve gone which is just…ridiculous. Even if I just get on the elliptical(after 30 minutes of stretching so I don’t injure my hips/Achilles) I’m going to do it!!

I hope to build an audience on this blog so I have some cyber encouragement on this journey and maybe I’ll actually start posting more!!!

I’m back and I’m ready to be the bad ass bitch I was destined to be. hehe.

Stay tuned folks.  Hip tendonitis, scoliosis, ankle injuries, depression/anxiety, life struggles, stress, negative self talk is not going to hold me back anymore!!!

I’m backkkkk

Not that anyone noticed my absence but I totally fell off this wellness blog bandwagon.

What’s new?

Around May I started having discomfort in my right Achilles. The same side that had the ankle injury last year. So long story short, I have Achilles tendinitis. Go Figure.  Caused by over training. With summer I also started working as a summer camp counselor.

So walking on grass caused a lot of pain/swelling in the beginning of summer so I finally went to an orthopedic and now I am to start physical therapy next week because this pesky lil injury is not going away with the simple things I’ve been doing at home and resting.

The doctor advised me not to exercise outside of stretching until the slight inflammation goes down.   Which again…figures since I love jogging/walking the boardwalks this time of year. SOOOOO..another summer of an injury.

My diet has been horrendous!!  IDK why I can’t motivate myself to eat healthy.

But in anycase….as bummed as I am that summer is almost over, I’m excited to startt he school year.

So finances have been really tight, I’m going to have to work a 2nd part time job…and this Is where I start to fall off the work out band wagon. SOOOOOO I’m going to try out 5 am workouts.  That gives me time to workout and then shower and get ready for work and be out the door no later than 7. (ideally 6:50 but…ya know).   We shall see. I figure starting in sept is best because it’s still bright out and not too cold. I’m hoping if I do it for a month it’ll become easier.

Fingers crossed. Constant improvement but mentally I think I’m doing better so the physical will come.

Putting me first!

The recurring issue I am having mentally is learning that my feelings are real and legitimate and not any less important than my friends and families feelings.  My needs and desires are JUST as important and quite frankly, in my world they should be MORE important, than anyone else’s.

I’m in that stage of my late twenties when much of my time and money is being invested in other people.   Weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, first communions, engagement parties, housewarming parties, babies first birthday, 1st communions etc.   Financially I am struggling lately and it’s so hard to really think about how much money I am putting towards other people. Just being a bridesmaid for one wedding is costing me about $1000 when all is said and done (dress, alterations, shoes, bridal shower, gifts, hotel room, bachelorette party). Legitimately, I am working a 2nd job to cover the costs of my friends/families life milestones.   Then I get worried applying to another weekend job because I have some kind of shower/celebration the next 3 weeks and then again in another month!

I don’t want to be THAT person that isn’t happy for everyone else. I really, and truly am happy for all my friends/family who find happiness in whatever life event they are experiencing currently. And I am so honored to be close enough to someone that they would want me to be a part of their “big day”.  I’m in my 4th wedding now in the past 6 years.  Believe me, there are friends of mine that were in 4 weddings in one year.

BUT I start to ask myself…do they appreciate the fact that I have to work a 2nd job to be a part of her big day? That I am spending the little $ I have….on THEM and their life.

I feel very Carrie Bradshaw like because there’s the episode where she has like a “I’m marrying myself” party.    I know (hope/pray!) that one day I’ll have milestones to share, but right now it’s really just a one way giving streak (me being the giver….my friends/family being the receivers).   It’s just hard….when it’s the people you spend a lot of your very little money on that you tend to see less and less and you become less and less a part of their life with every new milestone they experience. So it’s like “Welp! I’ve spent $1600 on their engagement party, wedding, bachelorette, bridal shower, housewarming, baby shower, baptism, babies first bday” and then you never hear from them again. Or you only hear from them when they’re sending you an invitation to their NEXT big life event.

It’s not selfish of me to stop giving if I don’t feel like these people are positively contributing to my life in some way. It’s not rude of me if I have to give less than the “proper etiquette” amount of a gift if I don’t have that money.  If these people really do appreciate me they will understand that I am giving as much as I can without putting myself in a bad place financially (although I already am in a bad place financially because of family that I helped get out of a tough place).

It’s NOT selfish to put me first! I need to stop basing my decisions on other peoples feelings and just do what makes me feel good.

Teaching myself to love activity again

So the biggest struggle with my journey to wellness is my comparisons. Back in the day it was my comparison’s to other people. Lately moreso of comparison’s to what I could or would do.

I look back at my “glory days”,  or days in which I was fit but didn’t realize at the time I was fit,  and wonder “What is wrong with you?!”.   I still viewed myself negatively and I wish I could go back to those days.   I mean, I’m 29….obviously with age comes a decline in energy(in some sense).

Back when I was 19 and babysitting I remember jogging along side the kids as they rode their bikes to the park.  Just that simple memory makes me cringe because now when I babysit I find myself tiring more.  I mean in some sense I’m lucky the boys I sit for are very energetic so they keep me moving. BUT especially after a workday for me,  I find myself wondering “IF I had kids would I even be able to keep up?!”  I am at an unhealthy weight so clearly that is negatively impacting my ability to “keep up” like I used to.  Carrying around an extra 45 lbs will do that to a person.

This weekend I made positive choices as far as exercise go!  I went to the gym both yesterday and today. I want to say this is my first time since I joined this new gym that I went to the gym 2 consecutive days in  a row.   As I’ve stated in previous posts,  since switching gyms I’m still trying to make myself comfortable. Finding machines I’m familiar with, places to do body weight/stretches,  just the overall rhythm of a workout I’m trying to get into.   Yesterday I made a break through because I tried a lot of new things.

1. I used the rowing machine. I used this machine in my bootcamp classes a few months back. And I realized I liked it. I heard it’s a really effective cardio machine that activates a lot of muscle groups.  So I was proud of myself for venturing onto a new cardio machine independently.

2. Yesterday  I also braved over to the free weight (or what I like to call the man area) and did some weighted exercises. Now I know where weights I’m familiar with using are located so if I ever get to the gym when there’s availability over there I can dominate.

3. I’ve done it before but the TRX are in the center of the gym and it can be quite intimidating feeling like you’re on display. I rocked my various assisted squats and did some body rows as well.  GO ME!

4. I was in a rush after the gym so I made myself a protein drink and went on the go. Overall it was a good choice! Prevented me from binge eating later in the day.

Today at the gym I hit up the rowing machine again, challenging myself to hit 1500 meters in under 10 minutes at a level 5. Mission accomplished.  I’m still learning my limits on that machine but that felt good.

I also walked on a treadmill at an incline. And Did some stability ball push ups and arm exercises.

Today at the gym I really felt that feeling I’ve been missing. Going to the gym and working out used to consume a large part of my life, I just didn’t know it. And when I started to lose my focus I also started to not look forward to working out. Working out became a chore for me that I didn’t want to do, instead of a stress reliever.  Working out became something on my to do list that was already over whelming to accomplish.

I’m finding myself excited to go to the gym this week after work. I like the soreness I am feeling from physical activity.  Mentally when I woke up this morning I knew I *wanted* to go to the gym.  That feeling has been M.I.A. for a while now.

I’m excited to get it back.

I just have to focus on the little milestones. Every time I step into the gym is an accomplishment. Every time I engage in physical activity is an accomplishment. Every time I put something in my body that is nutritious is an accomplishment. Time to focus on my accomplishments instead of my “failures”.

You can follow my wellness journey on instagram:  journey2wellness29

I deserve better.

This week was one of those weeks I felt kind of “blah” again.  It’s been a long work week. So long that I took today off for my own sanity. Spring break is coming up (thank goodness…I just need a whole week away from the grind).

“I deserve better” goes towards a lot of things in my life.   I deserve to feel good, I deserve to eat good, I deserve to be fit, I deserve a healthy relationship…etc etc.

This was another week of not the best choices diet and exercise wise.  I started off the week ok but with stress I just go back to the familiar feeling. “Let me just pick up something quick”.  “I’m too tired to go to the gym”  “I’m too tired to get up and exercise”.  I’ll get there. This break I’m looking forward to meal prepping and such and setting up something simple to follow for these busy, stressful times.

I deserve better even goes towards relationships. So, I’m single and would like to change that sooner than later. It’s been a LONG TIME since I’ve been in a serious relationship.  I don’t think I was ready for one for a while. But at this point…I’m ready to find “that someone”. Not because I need someone but because life is that much better sharing it with people you love.

I’m dabbling in online dating because…I work with all women, friends with all women and I rarely go out anymore so the opportunity to meet someone authentically is pretty unrealistic. I do put up a wall with people….I do.  Who wants to be hurt (again)? No one.  But now it’s to the point where I’m trying to talk myself into going on these dates even though I’m not feeling it. Like tonight I’m supposed to meet a guy for dinner. I don’t feel like it.  Our conversations didn’t exactly get me super psyched.  His pictures didn’t make me super psyched(no offense),  he’s 31 and still living at home (yes the economy doesn’t help etc but…still).  And his career doesn’t seem super great.   Then I try to say “Come on Julie. Give the guy a chance, you never know” but all I do know right now. Is I’d rather stay home tonight then meet up with this fellow tonight.  I bailed.  If he is willing to wait until my spring break to try an resched then cool. BUT….at this point. I’m trying to honor my feelings and if my feelings say “UGH! I really feel like staying in my sweats and watching movies” then ya know what. That’s what I’m going to do.

I have to make a conscious effort lately to say “STOP! Stop thinking about how other people will feel/think. What do YOU want?”   Everyone else aside, what do I want?  Yes, I’m one of the few single 29 year old somethings left. No, I don’t want to be single forever. No, I do not want to bail on this guy last minute and make him feel annoyed. But right now….I just have NO desire to get all dressed up (ya know…looking cute and all).

Maybe  it’s because I don’t like my body right now. Maybe it’s because I’m in a funk and am just tired/lazy. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to get hurt/rejected. IDK what the deep reason behind me bailing is but I don’t care.  All I know is right now….tonight, I do not feel like going on another blind date.

I deserve to follow my feelings without plugging in everyone else’s.